It's scary.
As are most "larger" people, I have been not satified with how I look or feel pretty much forever. I have had gym memberships, bought a rower/exercise bike, tried exercise videos and Wii Fit, even prescription diet pills. These efforts have sometimes had some success, but never the big awesome results that everyone wants. So, now I am trying something new. Couch-to-5k. If you have not heard of this program, it involves 9 weeks of walking/running 3 times a week for 20 minutes a session, and at the end you are able to run, wait for it, 5k.
Do I even need to explain the unbelievableness of this?
I am so friggin' terrified by this. That I am going to look rediculous and people will point and laugh. That I won't be able to run for even 60 seconds. That my body will give out.
That I will give up.
So where is the brilliant in all this? I think it's in that I'm going to try. Being fat is such a headgame, don't eat this it's fattening. But I'm miserable so I want it. Now I feel like crap. I'm a bad worthless person. Repeat. Like Fat Bastard says "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat". Love me some Mike Myers.
So I thought about exercise. I have always wanted to run, but haven't ever been able to, even when I was a kid, BF (before fat). Except this one time. I'll explain:
Every year came the dreaded Track and Field. As I have stated, I can't run and the short sprints were the only thing I could really do. Asthma and bad knees were my out in later years. So anyways, we would do some "training" and go out and run the perimeter of our massive school yard, and one day I didn't have my crappy Brooks running shoes, I had to run in my flexible leather-soled dress shoes (yes, I
Fast-forward 20 years. This experience had obviously stuck with me, and so in my frustration to find a way to get fit, I googles "flexible soled running shoes". Holy crap. They existed. Not only that, but there was a huge following of people who actually one-upped and ran BAREFOOT. Now, I don't want to step on something sharp/slimy/alive, so that's not for me. But I found barefoot shoes. Vibram 5 fingers to be exact.
They arrive today or tomorrow, and if they fit (pleasepleasepleasefit), I think I have the first decent shot at running I have ever had, since that teacher shot me down. When you read about barefoot running, it makes total sense. We are designed to run, but running shoes thwart our ability to do so by forcing us to use unnatural body mechanics. So, I am attempting to improve my life by getting fit, and this is what I'm trying. I'm sick of being tired all the damn time, having joints that ache because they are not being used and have so much weight on them, and I'm really sick of not being able to be the kind of mom I want to be. I hate not only getting winded trying to keep up with them, but at the embarassment of trying to do so.
So here I go. And if it works, if I can run 5k by the end of July, I am going to run in some kind of event before winter. And that's my goal.
